For You ...

BETTER THAN YOU

Hey baby, it's you I truly adore
I finally found the peace of never wanting more
Singin a sweet song of who and where I belong
I see a vision of a love that's more than strong
I feel so fine, truly divine
My dream has come to life, hey yeah
You're always there on my mind

Cause when I need two arms that can hold me tight
A tender loving kiss that can make it right
Someone to chase the darkness into the light
I know its true
Baby, there's none better than you

Cause I know it's true, ooh

Oh my dear I can't say the way that I feel
You're more than words, you're more than pictures can reveal
Sugar is sweet but with you it's hard to believe
There's nothing to compare, you're all I want and need
Eternally I'm gonna see all that love can be
Yeah yeah Heaven has given to me

Cause when I need two arms that can hold me tight
A tender loving kiss that can make it right
Someone to chase the darkness into the light
I know its true
Baby, there's none better than you

Cause when I need two arms that can hold me tight
A tender loving kiss that can make it right
Someone to chase the darkness into the light
But I know it's true
Baby, there's none better than you

And I know in time our hearts will be together
And I see your smile and I see forever
Baby, baby And our love is true
Ooh! There's no one better, oh
There's no one better than you

Cause when I need two arms that can hold me tight
A tender loving kiss that can make it right
Someone to chase the darkness into the light
I know it's true
Baby, there's no one better than you


- Lisa Keith -

Thank you for breaking that massive wall and try to share our world together ...
Feel so blessed ;)

** Love you, Sayangkuw :) **

-27 March 2007 -

Oh Den Heer ...

Passie

Ik denk nog vaak aan hoe het toen begon.
We lagen arm in arm in het gras onder de zon.
Maar we wisten allebei er komt een tijd.
Die zwaar en moeilijk wordt.
Want de passie raak je kwijt.

En ik zei we vechten en we gaan ervoor.
Wat ook komt we slaan er ons wel door.

Maar als de vlinders sterven in je schoot.
Dan rijst de levens grote vraag is de liefde minder groot?
En het sprookje van de prins op 't witte paard.
Is veel te vroeg voorbij.
Als de passie is bedaard.

Dat doet pijn maar geef jezelf een nieuwe kans.
Alleen dan krijgt je leven weer wat glans.

Dus droog je tranen ook al heb je veel verdriet.
Je kan treuren net als ik maar 't helpt ons niet.
Droog je tranen ook al heb je veel verdriet.
Het leven gaat door.
Je begint weer van voor.
Er ligt vast wel iets moois in 't verschiet .

Het is nu donker, buiten is het stil.
Ik stel me weer de vraag is het dit nu wat ik wil.
Dit duurt duizend keer langer dan ik dacht.
Wat passioneel begint.
Heb je zelden in je macht.

En helaas ik wil wel maar ik kan het niet.
Is het dwaas dat ik jou daarom verliet ?

Het doet pijn maar geef jezelf een nieuwe kans.
Na een tijd krijgt je leven weer wat glans.


-Clouseau-

Ik weet 't niet precies waar ik stond of wat ik voel.
Ik kan bijna niks voelen.
Dit is al te veel voor mij !!!

Gisteravond deed ik nachtbieden.
Ik vroeg aan Hem wat moet ik doen.
Ik huilde aan Den Heer over wat ik voel.
Ik voel me juist vervelend.
Ik heb verdriet !!!!
Kan hij dat voelen???? Mijn verdriet???

Als hij hetzelfde gevoel zoals me hebt, waarom moet 'ie dit doen?
Waarom kunnen wij niks proberen?
Waarom moeten er grens liggen tussen ons?
Waarom kan hij die niet doorbreken?
Waarom en waarom en waarom?
Ik heb 't genoeg !!!!
Vaak kan ik zijn gedachten niet verstaan.
Ik weet dat 'ie beetje "bijzonder" is.
Maar dit ... dit kan ik helemaal niet verstaan ...

Waarom moet 'ie dat schrijven?
Of iemand anders heb die gedaan?
Ik probeer mijn beste om te staan op mijn eigen voeten met mijn eigen kracht.
Maar waarom verbodt U me om hem van mijn hoofd uit te gooien?
Ik kan dit niet meer tegen, Oh Mijn Heer ...
Ben alleen maar een mens.
Wat deed ik ???
Deed ik iets verkeerd???
Deed ik iets totdat ik geluk niet mag hebben?
Ik heb het nodig !!!
Ik wil die hebben !!!
Is het te veel voor wat ik vraag???

Ben erg teleurgesteld.
Wat denk hij ???
Dat ik een spelletje is???
Goh !!!!! Te erg !!!!

Mijn traan is al op.
Mijn gevoel werd gewond.
Hoe kan ik dit geniezen?
Hoe ???

Laat me nu toch niet alleen ...
Geef me maar het antwoord, Oh Den Heer ...
Ik heb meer kracht nodig om het leven te gaan door ...

What The ****

I can't write anything actually.
But I miss writing something.

So, how about something that I feel?
What I feel today?
Today, I miss him even more.

Feel so blue.
Wish he could have a little bravery in him.
What am I saying just now?
Is that some kind of hope?
Well, maybe I'm still hoping.
What a silly wish !!!!

Everytime I thought it's over, it's really not over yet.
Everytime I feel I already get over him, his shadow keeps coming back to my mind.
God, please give me a break !!!!
Do I have to run away just for this time?
Oh no no no ...
I never run or hide from anything before, and I won't !!!!
Hmmm ...
Give me some time ... I'll figure it out.

What should I figure out?
Oh yeah ...
How to be back to who I was.
Well, I believe I could do that :)
No ... no ... wait !!!
I have to do that :D

This isn't easy, but I'm still trying to do that ...

Nice Quote

I really love One Tree Hill TV Series.
And few days ago, my best friend gave me the 4th season of One Tree Hill.
There's a quote from Lucas Scott in the 2nd episode that I find interesting ...



"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid. Confused. Without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone. And just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested, that you truly discover who you are. And it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist. Somewhere on the otherside of hard work and faith and belief... and beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead."

I'll Get Through This ...

** Go into the storm, Brave Angel! That's where life is ... **

I guess I have to get back to who I was.
Let my logic occupied my feelings.
I don't want to be this way, but what the hell.
If I have to be a cold person like I was back then, so beat it.
All I know, I have to be strong and move on.
A friend said to me once, "I could never be like you. How could you stand on your own feet, with no one, to walk on this world? If I were you, maybe I'll break down. But you could still smile after everything's that happened to you in this life. I do admire you ..."

What she said really made me laugh.
She didn't know that sometimes I do need someone, that many times I want to feel the warmth of my heart. I’m still a human being !!!
But I just neglected my will so I could dare this cruel world. That's why most people saw me as a cold-numb-hearted-woman.

Well, I don't care what others think about me, as long as I survive.
Coz it's my life, not theirs. Who else will care about you but yourself?
Sounds pathetic, huh?
But it's not that scary though, when you're there ...

I could never forget everything's that happened to me in my entire life.
I could never forget those who are filling my life.
They will always be a part of me wherever I go.
But I realize we live in this present world, not in the past.
We have to move forward, not backward.
I've been there before, in the world beyond other thoughts, in the world where most people would give up.
I barely regret for everything I did, coz I already pray and fight 'till my last strength before I give it all up to GOD.
So if I could find my way out back then, I'll get through this.
It's gonna be very hard, I know. But I'll try my best to conquer this one, no matter how long it will take, with or without anyone !!! (Please help me GOD)

-- For you who said to me, "Gue sama sekali nggak kenal Ayu yang sekarang. Gue lebih suka Ayu yang dulu. Dulu loe bener2 Leo sejati! Balikin dong taring loe! Tunjukin kalo loe bener2 Leo!", just let me feel my heart for a moment before one day you see me back on my old track, Gal ;) --

-- For Sayangkuw, I'll not ever forget and I won't forget you since you're one of best things that happened to me. Frankly, I still do love you, so much. I still do miss you, a lot. But I know it will never change anything. I’ve been waiting and hoping for a miracle, but it seems like it’s not going to happen coz you have this huge border that you can’t or won’t break through.

This is definitely not my will, but yours ... You made me take this path. But like I've said, I'll never regret for I've met you :)

I want you to understand, I can't be there anymore, in that kind of circumstance, even I want it so bad like you do, and I'm sorry for I'm not that strong enough to keep our promise ...

And if someday we have to meet each other, hopefully you'll see the different me, someone who might be way opposite than who I am now.

Thanks for everything we've shared back then ... They were beautiful … --

When My Heart Screams ...

Lord, I miss him so much.
I can say nothing else beside I long for him tonight…
Does he sleep well?
Is he okay?
How many times did he eat today?

I want to hear his voice.
I want to hear my mobile rings with his ring tone.
I want to read his text messages.
I want to see him.
I want him back to my arms.
I want him so bad …
But I can’t ...
I can't bare this pain anymore.

I ate 3 times today even I don’t want to.
I ate 2 oranges and a banana this evening.
I was extra careful when I was crossing the road this morning.
I didn’t drop tears even though my heart cried.
Coz I know that what he wants.
He could ask me anything…
Anything, except to pretending that he just a best friend for me.
I can’t do that.
Coz he’s more than that …

What should I do, God?
What should I do?
I can do nothing.
It hurts, Lord.
It hurts when I realize this heart belong to him.
It hurts when those memories of ours dancing in my mind.
It hurts when I should break our promise.
It hurts when I find out leaving him behind is the best choice I have for now.
It hurts me so …

Does he think of me?
Does he miss me?
What he’s doing right now?
Why it has to end this way?
Why this love grows inside me?
Why do I have more expectation upon him?
It’s surely my fault …

I can’t deny, Dear Lord…
I do love him.
I love him so much…
I know he’s not there.
I can’t let him be there for I’ll hurt him one day with this love I have.
It’ll be definitely a sin …

Let me be the one who bare all this pains.
Let me be the evil one who walks away from him.
Please guard him, God…
Please send Your angels to be there for him wherever he goes.
And please give me a chance to watch and guard him from distance…

None

Gantung

Ku harus menemui cintaku
Mencari tahu hubungan kita
Apa masih atau tlah berakhir

Kau menggantungkan hubungan ini
Kau diamkan aku tanpa sebab
Maunya apa ku harus bagaimana
Kasih…
Sampai kapan kau gantung
Cerita cintaku memberi harapan
Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi
Dan meninggalkan dirimu

Detik-detik waktu pun terbuang
Teganya kau menggantung cintaku
Bicaralah biar semua pasti

Kau menggantungkan hubungan ini
Kau diamkan aku tanpa sebab
Maunya apa ku harus bagaimana
Kasih…
Sampai kapan kau gantung
Cerita cintaku memberi harapan
Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi
Dan meninggalkan dirimu

Tentunya hubungan cinta denganmu
Membuat ku sakit
Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi
Dan meninggalkan dirimu

-Melly Goeslow-

It hate when it has to end this way although I still do need you when I decided to back off :'(

This Is It ...

So, this is it, huh?
This is how it end.

Now I'm trying to let him go.
So he could move on without any burden.
So he could reach his dreams.
So he could find whatever he's looking for ...
With or without me, who always be trouble for him.

Well, the day comes fast.
Faster than I expected.
Never prepare for this day, eventhough I know it will come, soon or later.

GOD, please give him better days, better life, and better person to be there for him.
I can never be the best one for him, that one I realize, Lord ...

Please give him all the best things in this life, coz he deserves it ...
That's all I ask ...
Please hear my pray, Oh Dear GOD ...

Thank You, GOD

I've been thinking a lot.
Try my best to fall in love with him.
I've tried everyway I could.
But still, it's no use.
I can't feel it in me.

I blame myself for couldn't loving him just the way he did.
I blame myself for giving up after this whole year.
But I can't force it anymore ...
And I know I'll make a big mistake if I'm not telling him the truth.
Sooner or later he'll know ...

So then, he gave me mail couple days ago.
And it put smile on my face !!!
Coz now we have our own path.
He already found a new love and I'm doing my best to move on with a new beginning.

Thank you GOD for proving that I did the right thing.
Thank you GOD for answering my pray :)

-- Ik wens alle beste toe voor jou en je nieuwe vriendin, PB ;) --

Please ....

GOD ... please help me.

Is it my fault if I fall in love with him?
Is it my fault?

I always got out fast if I face this kind of circumstances.
But why can't I do it this time?
Why can't I just accept this "bestfriends" things.
I'm tired ... really tired.
But I can do nothing.
I can't force my heart to stop coz it hurts.
But I can't move forward too ...

Please lead me the way, GOD.
Please lead me the way ....

I don't wanna loose him.
That's all I ask.
I beg You, GOD ...
I beg You ...