When My Heart Screams ...

Lord, I miss him so much.
I can say nothing else beside I long for him tonight…
Does he sleep well?
Is he okay?
How many times did he eat today?

I want to hear his voice.
I want to hear my mobile rings with his ring tone.
I want to read his text messages.
I want to see him.
I want him back to my arms.
I want him so bad …
But I can’t ...
I can't bare this pain anymore.

I ate 3 times today even I don’t want to.
I ate 2 oranges and a banana this evening.
I was extra careful when I was crossing the road this morning.
I didn’t drop tears even though my heart cried.
Coz I know that what he wants.
He could ask me anything…
Anything, except to pretending that he just a best friend for me.
I can’t do that.
Coz he’s more than that …

What should I do, God?
What should I do?
I can do nothing.
It hurts, Lord.
It hurts when I realize this heart belong to him.
It hurts when those memories of ours dancing in my mind.
It hurts when I should break our promise.
It hurts when I find out leaving him behind is the best choice I have for now.
It hurts me so …

Does he think of me?
Does he miss me?
What he’s doing right now?
Why it has to end this way?
Why this love grows inside me?
Why do I have more expectation upon him?
It’s surely my fault …

I can’t deny, Dear Lord…
I do love him.
I love him so much…
I know he’s not there.
I can’t let him be there for I’ll hurt him one day with this love I have.
It’ll be definitely a sin …

Let me be the one who bare all this pains.
Let me be the evil one who walks away from him.
Please guard him, God…
Please send Your angels to be there for him wherever he goes.
And please give me a chance to watch and guard him from distance…