I'll Get Through This ...

** Go into the storm, Brave Angel! That's where life is ... **

I guess I have to get back to who I was.
Let my logic occupied my feelings.
I don't want to be this way, but what the hell.
If I have to be a cold person like I was back then, so beat it.
All I know, I have to be strong and move on.
A friend said to me once, "I could never be like you. How could you stand on your own feet, with no one, to walk on this world? If I were you, maybe I'll break down. But you could still smile after everything's that happened to you in this life. I do admire you ..."

What she said really made me laugh.
She didn't know that sometimes I do need someone, that many times I want to feel the warmth of my heart. I’m still a human being !!!
But I just neglected my will so I could dare this cruel world. That's why most people saw me as a cold-numb-hearted-woman.

Well, I don't care what others think about me, as long as I survive.
Coz it's my life, not theirs. Who else will care about you but yourself?
Sounds pathetic, huh?
But it's not that scary though, when you're there ...

I could never forget everything's that happened to me in my entire life.
I could never forget those who are filling my life.
They will always be a part of me wherever I go.
But I realize we live in this present world, not in the past.
We have to move forward, not backward.
I've been there before, in the world beyond other thoughts, in the world where most people would give up.
I barely regret for everything I did, coz I already pray and fight 'till my last strength before I give it all up to GOD.
So if I could find my way out back then, I'll get through this.
It's gonna be very hard, I know. But I'll try my best to conquer this one, no matter how long it will take, with or without anyone !!! (Please help me GOD)

-- For you who said to me, "Gue sama sekali nggak kenal Ayu yang sekarang. Gue lebih suka Ayu yang dulu. Dulu loe bener2 Leo sejati! Balikin dong taring loe! Tunjukin kalo loe bener2 Leo!", just let me feel my heart for a moment before one day you see me back on my old track, Gal ;) --

-- For Sayangkuw, I'll not ever forget and I won't forget you since you're one of best things that happened to me. Frankly, I still do love you, so much. I still do miss you, a lot. But I know it will never change anything. I’ve been waiting and hoping for a miracle, but it seems like it’s not going to happen coz you have this huge border that you can’t or won’t break through.

This is definitely not my will, but yours ... You made me take this path. But like I've said, I'll never regret for I've met you :)

I want you to understand, I can't be there anymore, in that kind of circumstance, even I want it so bad like you do, and I'm sorry for I'm not that strong enough to keep our promise ...

And if someday we have to meet each other, hopefully you'll see the different me, someone who might be way opposite than who I am now.

Thanks for everything we've shared back then ... They were beautiful … --